Life is a myriad of choices. Each day we are faced with countless opportunities to make decisions one way or another. Our brains are trained to believe one is right over the other and that the possibility of making the wrong choice exists. However, I like thinking of choices as forks in the path like you would see out hiking. The multiple paths might lead totally different directions, but each has its own unique scenery and sweet serenity to share with you. One path might lead you deeper into a forest while the other takes you into a grassy meadow clearing. Or maybe, just maybe, the two paths lead to the same destination. It is not possible to tell while you are on the path, but once you get to the end you might see how the other would’ve led you to the same destination.
There’s a metaphor I once realized while lost in the cypress woods of Louisiana, no matter which path I chose I would eventually make it out of the woods. See, in this case, I knew that each path had a beginning outside of the woods and therefore I would eventually stumble my way out. Sure, it took longer than knowing the actual direction I needed to take, but it was about the experience and scenery for me and that made the whole thing into an adventure instead of a fear ridden journey. The paths laid out in front of us may have unknown destinations, they might lead us backwards, they could all end in the same place, or they could transport us somewhere entirely new.
Before I go further, a disclaimer that all this information is based on my personal reflection from witnessing my mind over the past six years as it continues healing from destructive mindsets and thought processes. These come from discussions with trained professionals but by no means is this from someone with actual credentials, just my meandering thoughts. Nonetheless, I hope it gives you something beneficial or to think about.
When it comes to life, our minds tend to recognize patterns and form conclusions that determine our sense of reality. Our experiences are the teacher for learning patterns the mind dictates as important to remember and ways of action or avoidance. The mind is also conditioned to keep us safe through an instinct every living creature has, fight or flight. Fight or flight is engaged when the conclusion our minds want to avoid is anything painful that could be equated to a destructive hurt or death itself. A bit melodramatic at times, but in some emotionally charged moments, the mind recognizes a pattern where the situation triggers a learned pattern from a past similar situation that led to immense pain. This situation is not one the mind fully comprehends as a learned pattern from the past and mirrors behavior from the past which may not belong in the present. The mind just reacts and hopes it reaches the correct conclusion to keep you safe. Now, this is not the conscious mind I am speaking to but the subconscious. The subconscious stores the patterns it's learned to keep you from harm and reacts out of them prior to the conscious mind realizing (most times) what is going on. Have you ever reacted to someone and after thought, geez why did I say or do that?? It’s most likely from what I just described. Keep in mind there is also the positive side to this that allows for familiar comforts to be seen in strange places and new people. The patterns aren’t always bad, but my focus is on those that make us feel we have no choice but to react from them.
These patterns have the capacity to change. Awareness, acceptance, and redirection can help do that. Awareness shows you the thought pattern; acceptance allows you to understand what the thought pattern is telling you; and redirection gives you the choice to engage in a new thought. It is important to note that the mind needs experiences in order to redirect its thoughts to a new pattern. This new pattern must first be experienced and learned before one can engage with redirection. This takes time, patience, and courage to accomplish. A round of applause to anyone who is working towards these three steps in their mind’s bias.
Back to the brain being trained to believe one is right and one is wrong, it is our perspective of what right is and what wrong is that ultimately shapes that decision making. The perspective in making a choice is yet another choice. I relate this again to hiking, the mindsets we put on are different neural pathways in our brain, or different trail systems available to us. There are different dots connecting depending on which path you choose to follow. These dots are varying memories your mind learned from that seemingly lead to the “same” conclusion. I like thinking of the paths we put on most often as the very evident downtrodden trail you’ll see on heavily trafficked areas, and sometimes, these are not the original trail. It’s instead a short cut created by people that’s been used and used again to the point it is indiscernible from the original trail. Well, our minds can do the same thing to us in our thought processes. There might be a long way that would allow for more logic to be interjected or a place for our conscious mind to halt the pattern and add a new perspective, but most often the short cut is chosen. This is because it is the quickest way to keep us out of danger, or destructive hurt/death. It takes conscious effort to reintroduce the original path and stop using the shortcut. This is where the choice lies.
First, one must recognize the thought pattern happening inside them, bringing awareness. Next, the awareness must lead to acceptance of the pattern and what it is trying to succeed with, ie. Keep you from crashing your car, prevent rejection, avoid certain foods, the list goes on. This could look like never asking your boss for a raise because in the past when you expressed your needs, they were either not met, ignored, or you were told no repeatedly. The established pattern might be that your mind associates asking for what you desire to be an automatic rejection. The mind wants to keep you from feeling that rejection again and the thoughts form telling you not to ask for a raise because it will lead to a ‘no’ outcome. But how do we know? There are infinite variables that go into every decision we could ever make, making most things plausible. There is so much left unknown that our minds cannot consider and therefore not account for in decision making. Especially when said decision making is rooted in existing patterns in our minds that may or may not portray an accurate reality (such as thinking most people hate you).
Now this is not to say never decide because you can’t know enough to make the right one. I’m saying the opposite, with not having all the information ever at any point in time, there’s a freedom to our choices to stop weighing the outcome because it is never known until it happens. There’s no longer a need to label a decision as the right one but instead it can be seen as simply a choice, which leads us down one path over the other. Making choices in a moment which best align with our needs in that moment brings us down the path of experience needed to grow. This in itself allows for greater opportunities for moments of redirection and an expansion of our thought processes.
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